Hello World,
Now you may ask, What are we exactly? Why would you want to know about us? What is the hype? What are those weird bottles for? And Who is that fabulous looking male? Haha, okay. Time to elaborate.... Let me answer all your questions. Read upon the stories of the original founder Jamaal, and someone who has experienced the power of Spritzlam...Jon. Continue to read and prepare to be ENLIGHTENED!
The History of Spritzlam
Wellness
Wellness
In 2007, Jamaal Gill was weighed down by his chronic illnesses. He hardly had the energy to get out of bed in the morning, and he usually went right back after he had to face the prospect of another day. His job performance suffered, his home life was in turmoil, and he was ready to give up.
One night, Jamaal had a revelation. He thought there had to be some way to heal his mind and body, and as he was wondering how these things could be possible, a vision came to him. In the vision, he saw a spring located in a faraway cave. He knew he had to get that water.
Before his friends and family could stop him, and before he lost his intense drive to be healed, Jamaal quit his job and struggled down the Appalachian Trail. It was there that he found the spring he had been looking for. He sprinkled some of the water on himself and felt his problems melting away. He filled his water bottle with the spritz, as he called it, and set off for home a new man.
Responsibility
Jamaal soon found that he needed to sprinkle a little of the spritz on him every day to stay on top of his wellness. That was all he needed, he realized, but he wanted more. He decided to turn his life around as dramatically as possible. He would be an Olympic athlete.
The training was difficult, and Jamaal soon found himself using more of the spritz of wellness than he needed. He grew steadily in physical and mental prowess; soon, it seemed, he would be able to realize his goal.
It was not to be. Jamaal broke his leg days before his dream came true. He reflected long and hard, knowing that his spritz would heal him quickly enough, but wondering also why it had seemingly failed him when he needed it most. A second revelation came to him that day, in which he learned that he had let his new power go too far, and that he had been irresponsible with the gift that had been given to him. A new spring on the other side of the country would help him learn how to live life responsibly.
On his second great journey, Jamaal found the spritz of responsibility in the Rocky Mountains. He learned that careful application of the spritzes was the key to success.
Honesty
Jamaal wasn’t the only person undergoing personal crises. In 2007, Jon Irons had been convicted of perjury, after a series of fraudulent checks had landed him in court. He was a well-known liar, cheat, and con man, and with the record he had looming on the horizon, the only place he could go was down.
The judge gave Jon a highly lenient sentence, and he rejoiced that he had gotten away so easily. While he was planning his next pyramid scheme, he wondered about his past and future. No sooner had he experienced this doubt than a sudden flash of insight hit him.
He needed to change his ways and become the honest person he had always wanted to be deep down. But how? The answer, he thought, was in the Florida Everglades. Selling off the last of his possessions, Jon organized a one-man expedition to this vast, mysterious place. His boat broke down in the middle of nowhere, and Jon thought his search had ended in failure. Just then, he found a pool of water that was far clearer than anything for miles around. Sprinkling some on himself, he realized that he had found exactly what he was looking for.
Charity
In spite of his newfound honesty, Jon was reluctant to share his discovery with anyone else. Could it be abused? Were there side-effects? Would everyone think he was crazy? Was there even enough of this water to go around? He spent his new life wandering around the nation, stopping by the Everglades every year to renew his supply of the waters of honesty.
Jon’s second revelation hit him during one of these return trips. He realized he had been not only dishonest in his earlier life, but greedy in every way possible. He needed to learn charity.
His visions led him to the plains of the Midwest, where he found the spring of charity. Applying the waters to himself as he had done with those of honesty, Jon felt himself changing yet again. He wanted to serve the world, to share what he had learned, and to give others the chances he had been given. He continued in his wanderings, but with greater purpose than ever before. Soon, he met up with Jamaal Gill in Colorado, and two revealed what they knew about the spritzes. They called their new faith Spritzlam, and started on their task of spreading virtue through the world with the aid of their scented waters.
They are working together to this day, discovering new spritzes across the world.
Rituals
All it takes to be a better person is five minutes a day, any time, any place. Spritzes come in both large and small bottles, in case you need one to take with you on the go. Travel-size bottles are all designed to TSA regulations, so you can even take them when you fly! Also, every bottle comes with a holy passage written on it. For example, "Thou shall eat right and exercise in order to look good for thy ladies and thy gents," or "If food has rested upon the floor for longer than ten seconds, one must not eat the food, for thy food has been tainted." There is not one book because Spritzlam must be experienced for oneself.
Spritzlam encourages daily self-application techniques. For each virtue on which you would like to improve, reflect for five minutes on the ways in which you have failed to live up to your expectations. Then, spray yourself with the proper spritz and feel like a different person! The more genuine your reflection, the stronger the redemption.
Once a week, Spritzlims visit any one of the established Spritzlam temples (although some think of them as bars!) for the extra boost that can be applied by a responsible Spritzicist, trained by Jamaal Gill himself at the Institute of Spritzlam. The Spritzicists know just what waters to mix, and in what proportions, to give you an individual experience of self-improvement. Come in and try today! Temples are open seven days a week to allow even the busiest members their weekly lift.
Spritzlims also celebrate many holidays. Every virtue has its own holiday to celebrate the God who put its spring on this Earth. For example, every April 15th we celebrate the Spritzlist Day of Service where we all go out and volunteer to please the great lord Charia, the God of Charity. Jon discovered this Spring while in the midwest, and it inspired him to go out and do good. With this inspiration he dug a giant hill in Kansas in order to make the countryside less flat, a service long overdo. Responsible Spritzlims would have already paid their taxes (if not they need a spritz of Responsibility), so while everybody else gives back to their society financially, they use this time to give back through their actions.
The main holiday is Spritzmahannakqwanzika, celebrated every March 5th to commemorate Jamaal and Jon's original meeting in Colorado. We celebrate by exchanging gifts with fellow Spritzlists at a massive festival held at any Spring location in which we dance and splash in the magical Springs to the soothing noises of Justin Beiber.
One night, Jamaal had a revelation. He thought there had to be some way to heal his mind and body, and as he was wondering how these things could be possible, a vision came to him. In the vision, he saw a spring located in a faraway cave. He knew he had to get that water.
Before his friends and family could stop him, and before he lost his intense drive to be healed, Jamaal quit his job and struggled down the Appalachian Trail. It was there that he found the spring he had been looking for. He sprinkled some of the water on himself and felt his problems melting away. He filled his water bottle with the spritz, as he called it, and set off for home a new man.
Responsibility
Jamaal soon found that he needed to sprinkle a little of the spritz on him every day to stay on top of his wellness. That was all he needed, he realized, but he wanted more. He decided to turn his life around as dramatically as possible. He would be an Olympic athlete.
The training was difficult, and Jamaal soon found himself using more of the spritz of wellness than he needed. He grew steadily in physical and mental prowess; soon, it seemed, he would be able to realize his goal.
It was not to be. Jamaal broke his leg days before his dream came true. He reflected long and hard, knowing that his spritz would heal him quickly enough, but wondering also why it had seemingly failed him when he needed it most. A second revelation came to him that day, in which he learned that he had let his new power go too far, and that he had been irresponsible with the gift that had been given to him. A new spring on the other side of the country would help him learn how to live life responsibly.
On his second great journey, Jamaal found the spritz of responsibility in the Rocky Mountains. He learned that careful application of the spritzes was the key to success.
Honesty
Jamaal wasn’t the only person undergoing personal crises. In 2007, Jon Irons had been convicted of perjury, after a series of fraudulent checks had landed him in court. He was a well-known liar, cheat, and con man, and with the record he had looming on the horizon, the only place he could go was down.
The judge gave Jon a highly lenient sentence, and he rejoiced that he had gotten away so easily. While he was planning his next pyramid scheme, he wondered about his past and future. No sooner had he experienced this doubt than a sudden flash of insight hit him.
He needed to change his ways and become the honest person he had always wanted to be deep down. But how? The answer, he thought, was in the Florida Everglades. Selling off the last of his possessions, Jon organized a one-man expedition to this vast, mysterious place. His boat broke down in the middle of nowhere, and Jon thought his search had ended in failure. Just then, he found a pool of water that was far clearer than anything for miles around. Sprinkling some on himself, he realized that he had found exactly what he was looking for.
Charity
In spite of his newfound honesty, Jon was reluctant to share his discovery with anyone else. Could it be abused? Were there side-effects? Would everyone think he was crazy? Was there even enough of this water to go around? He spent his new life wandering around the nation, stopping by the Everglades every year to renew his supply of the waters of honesty.
Jon’s second revelation hit him during one of these return trips. He realized he had been not only dishonest in his earlier life, but greedy in every way possible. He needed to learn charity.
His visions led him to the plains of the Midwest, where he found the spring of charity. Applying the waters to himself as he had done with those of honesty, Jon felt himself changing yet again. He wanted to serve the world, to share what he had learned, and to give others the chances he had been given. He continued in his wanderings, but with greater purpose than ever before. Soon, he met up with Jamaal Gill in Colorado, and two revealed what they knew about the spritzes. They called their new faith Spritzlam, and started on their task of spreading virtue through the world with the aid of their scented waters.
They are working together to this day, discovering new spritzes across the world.
Beliefs
Spritzlims believe that each spring was put on this Earth by a different God. The spring of Wellness at the end of the Appalachian Trail was put forth by the God Wellington Healthybod, just as the spring of Responsibility was but forth by the God of Responsibility, Billy Respon.
The top desire of the Gods is not to see Spritzlam take over the world, but for Earth to be a better, happier place. No scripture gives answers to birth, death or the afterlife, for that is something each individual must come to on their own. There is also no specific scripture relating to Sexual ethic, for that must be what is appropriate for the society in which one resides and ones personal sexual desires. Evil is not a supernatural force, but rather a term applied to a collection of actions which go against making the world a better, happier place. These action might include drop-kicking toddlers, burning a hospital, robbing a small business or driving slowly in the fast lane on the highway. The greater the proportion of good deeds is to your proportion of evil deeds, the stronger the effects of Spritzlam will be.
Rituals
All it takes to be a better person is five minutes a day, any time, any place. Spritzes come in both large and small bottles, in case you need one to take with you on the go. Travel-size bottles are all designed to TSA regulations, so you can even take them when you fly! Also, every bottle comes with a holy passage written on it. For example, "Thou shall eat right and exercise in order to look good for thy ladies and thy gents," or "If food has rested upon the floor for longer than ten seconds, one must not eat the food, for thy food has been tainted." There is not one book because Spritzlam must be experienced for oneself.
Spritzlam encourages daily self-application techniques. For each virtue on which you would like to improve, reflect for five minutes on the ways in which you have failed to live up to your expectations. Then, spray yourself with the proper spritz and feel like a different person! The more genuine your reflection, the stronger the redemption.
Once a week, Spritzlims visit any one of the established Spritzlam temples (although some think of them as bars!) for the extra boost that can be applied by a responsible Spritzicist, trained by Jamaal Gill himself at the Institute of Spritzlam. The Spritzicists know just what waters to mix, and in what proportions, to give you an individual experience of self-improvement. Come in and try today! Temples are open seven days a week to allow even the busiest members their weekly lift.
Spritzlims also celebrate many holidays. Every virtue has its own holiday to celebrate the God who put its spring on this Earth. For example, every April 15th we celebrate the Spritzlist Day of Service where we all go out and volunteer to please the great lord Charia, the God of Charity. Jon discovered this Spring while in the midwest, and it inspired him to go out and do good. With this inspiration he dug a giant hill in Kansas in order to make the countryside less flat, a service long overdo. Responsible Spritzlims would have already paid their taxes (if not they need a spritz of Responsibility), so while everybody else gives back to their society financially, they use this time to give back through their actions.
The main holiday is Spritzmahannakqwanzika, celebrated every March 5th to commemorate Jamaal and Jon's original meeting in Colorado. We celebrate by exchanging gifts with fellow Spritzlists at a massive festival held at any Spring location in which we dance and splash in the magical Springs to the soothing noises of Justin Beiber.
If you need inspiration, if you need faith.
SPRITZLAM IS HERE!!!
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